


If you don't know

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, So much angst, but just read on, i forgot how much this one pained me to write ??, should this become a series plz let me no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:36:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3981751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes what you are given in life is not what you need. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go. </p><p>(Reader gets the oppurtunity of a lifetime but has to decide between her dreams and love)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Tonight we are playing a one off song, a song that I would like to dedicate to someone out there. Hopefully watching this now. Please.” Was the last word Luke said before his voice cracked.

You sat up straight and stared at the screen before you, thoughts already whirling in your head before the familiar chords of a song known for never being played live pounded through your headphones; only just louder than your heart. The familiar drum beat, the guitar… the words. “Tonight we’re fading fast, I just wanna make this last” The words tumbled out of Luke’s mouth, you slammed my laptop shut, picked up your phone and looked at the clock, 9:00pm blinked back at you and you knew you had to call him. So that’s what you did.

You knocked on the wooden door of the hotel room, your hands clammy and feeling dizzy. You fiddled with your car keys and stood for an eternity waiting for the door to open. Calum’s wide grin greeted you and you weakly smiled back, he called for Luke before scooting past you into the adjacent hotel room to leave you and Luke alone.

“Hi”. Luke softly spoke to you, both of you wanting to say a thousand words but nothing more than a heavy silence choked you.

“Hi".

You made your way inside the room and placed your belongings by the door, you sat down on one of the pristine white beds and Luke folded himself next to you.

“Luke, I…I watched the video of the concert yesterday. Sorry I didn’t get to it earlier, I had to do some school work…” Your voice trailed off, you both knew neither of you cared about that. “Listen, I came here to talk. I think that’s what you want me to do. Just please let me talk and don’t let go of my hands.” You squeezed his large hands with yours and took in a deep breath; everything was going to change after this. You just didn’t know how.

“Okay, so this is long overdue. I- I love you Luke."

Luke looked as if he was going to interrupt you.

"Don’t, please...I can’t hear you say it back. Listen, ever since I was 12 I’ve always promised myself to never do anything according to a boy. I need to be able to depend on myself. Okay and university is what I need, I need to study and I need to focus on my studies until I am as good as I am going to be and that is the life I always planned for. Cambridge University want me Luke. They want me to study at their university. Do you remember how happy I was about that? That was when I kissed you I was so happy. That was when I fell in love with you. Okay and I never thought any boy could make me feel the way you do. I’ve never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you and my heart is aching to stay with you, to follow you around the world. To sleep in your arms in stupid hotels and get drunk in countries I’ve never been to and to be cheesy tourists and be so tired that I can’t sleep. My heart wants that but my brain. My brain knows that that is not what I need, that you don’t need that. Luke I love you. I love you so much that it hurts and now I’m going to tell you the truth. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

You broke down then. Tears had been flowing down your cheeks faster than the words escaped your mouth, Luke’s eyes had glistened with tears but now all you saw was a blur in front of you and the sound of your own hideous sobs punched you in the gut. Luke never let go of your hands.

“Luke I’m sorry I just don’t know. _I don’t know_.”

You repeated those three words over and over; spat them out like venom; rolled them over your tongue to see how the sorrow tasted; they fell from your mouth in waves of emotion but none of it helped to clear your head.

“I need to sleep on it Luke. I ne-need to make a decision.”

Luke didn’t say a word, he pulled you to his side, your back pressed against his firm stomach and his face buried in the crook of your neck. You could feel the dampness on your shirt that told you now Luke was crying too. Sobs shook your body but Luke just held you tighter and breathed in deeper. That’s how you lay for the rest of the night. The only difference was Luke slept and you did not.

It was 4am when you looked at your watch. Luke had loosened his grip on your hollow body and had rolled slightly on his side. You lifted his limp arm from your waist and sat up. You slowly climbed out of the uninviting bed and walked over to Luke’s suitcase and pulled out your favourite t-shirt of his and packed it gently in your bag before walking back to the peaceful looking Luke. You kissed his forehead before turning away.

“I will always love you.”You spoke as quietly as you could as you left the room. “I will never stop loving you”.

You rode the lift back down to the hotel lobby, the whole world was still asleep at 4am. Everyone but you. Your world had just come crashing down. You found your car and drove away, making it 200m before every tear you owned fell from your sore eyes. You cried until you had no tears left to cry. You cried for Luke too, you cried for the life you could’ve had together. You cried.


	2. Maybe I do know...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second (and last) chapter from If you don't know. That's basically it lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Y/B/F/N) = Your best friends name but you all probably know that anyway.   
> (For any newbie fic readers (Y/N) just means your name. This was never explained to me a year ago and it took me a while to catch on).

“Pick up, pick up, pick up before I change my mind”. You paced around your room, your mobile hanging in your hand as the ring beeped through the loud speaker. 

“Hello? Y/N”? 

Luke’s voice made your own disappear as fast as you had that morning four years ago. 

“Um, Luke. Hi.” You stuttered out through the phone. You didn’t think it would be this difficult.   
  
Calum had made you do it. Calum was sat on the bed of your dorm room surrounded by boxes and masking tape. Today was the day before your graduation and you had asked Calum to help you pack up your stuff. You had never really stopped talking to the boys, all but one of them continued to text you and sometimes even Skype you if Luke wasn’t around. They all told you how Luke was different, like something was gone and you were the one who took it. Whenever the boys achieved something you made sure you congratulated them all on Twitter; but whether Luke ever saw it or it got drowned with tweets from other fans you will probably never know. You had been to a concert a few weeks ago, down in London. Calum had got you some tickets and as Luke sang Amnesia you could sense that every word was riddled with your name. You cried a lot that night. 

Calum was the one who suggested you called Luke, when he said it you nearly chocked on your water.   
  
 _"He still loves you ya’know. Even after all these years. He’s tried to move on but he’s still stuck. He’s tried dating a couple of girls but we all saw that it wasn’t the same if it wasn’t you by his side. He still needs you and the fact you talk about him as much as you do makes me think you need him as well. Why don’t you just call him?"_

All day you had thought about that text, all the things that could happen as a result of dialling Luke’s number. Still on speed dial number 1. 

“Y/N. What do you want? I’m kind of busy.” Luke said shortly to you. It’s not like you weren’t expecting hostility but it still hurt a bit. 

“BULLSHIT” Calum shouted and jumped up from the bed, taking the phone in his hands. 

“CALUM” Was the last thing you heard Luke shout through the phone before Calum turned off the loud speaker and took matters into his own hands. 

“Tomorrow. Train to Cambridge at 11:50. I will meet you there.” Calum spoke like a sergeant through the phone, not allowing Luke any interruptions or excuses. 

“Luke. Don’t be late.” Calum prodded the phone screen with his finger and all was quiet. 

“Not quite as I expected that to go. You know he is going to be super pissed at you? At all of you?” I sat down onto my bed, Calum followed suit. 

“Yeah. I know. But I think he will turn around.” Calum stared at his feet. His gaze suddenly shot to me. 

“(Y/N" this is going to be difficult. You’ve both not seen each other for four years but you have to give this another try. At least get closure. You left him at 4am. He played ‘ _If you don’t know_ ’ on repeat for a month straight once you left. You put him through so much. You broke his heart. But I think deep down he knew what you did was right. That’s why he never stopped loving you, even when you knew it would break him you took his future into consideration. You leaving proved to him he would never love anyone more. So please just try.” Calum’s voice had got quiet and tears now rimmed your own eyes.   
  
“Okay.” You whispered before a knock on your door reminded you that you had graduation to be prepping for.   
  
Luke’s POV  
  
“Now arriving at Cambridge Station.” The overly cheery lady said over the telecom as I stood up and swung my bag over my shoulder. What was I doing here? I thought I was over Y/N. Now I’ve just got on a train because Calum said so.   
  
“Hey Luke!” Calum smiled at me and waved his arms to get my attention. I gave him a little smile and walked over to where he was standing.   
  
“Calum I’m not kidding this is the worst idea you have ever had. I need answers.”   
  
“Okay I’ll cut it short. Basically ever since Y/N left you two have not been the same at all. Even trying to date and when you both swore you were over each other you clearly weren’t. The rest of the boys and Y/B/F/N and I think that it’s stupid for you guys to not even try so I’ve dragged you here because Y/N is graduating today and she invited us all. You included.”   
  
I just kind of stared at Calum. I didn’t think Y/N was heartbroken over anything. She did the right thing. She shouldn’t have been heart broken. But now, she still loved me? 

* * *

The theatre was packed. I’m not sure why we were in a theatre for graduation but whatever.  I was sat sandwiched between Calum and Michael, Ashton and Y/B/F/N sat talking at the end of the row to Y/N’s parents. A speech was given from the head teacher or something and then someone stepped on stage. Calum jabbed me in the ribs.   
“Watch.” He hissed at me. My breath caught in my throat, it was Y/N. She was still so beautiful. Even through her nerves she still had that infectious smile. She scanned the room. I don’t know if she saw me.   
  
“Hello everyone! Thanks to everyone who has come today to support their loved ones in the very final step of student life…”   
  
Y/N continued talking but I stopped listening. I was taking in everything about her. How her accent had changed after living in Cambridge for four years, how her eyes till shone with enthusiasm. She had changed a lot since the day she left. There wasn’t the sadness. She looked full of life, full of knowledge and full of hope. After the roll call of all the students graduating Y/N came running down the steps of the stage, she was laughing and she threw her graduation cap in the air and let it fall to the floor. First she spoke to her parents, they were all blubbering and congratulating and I couldn’t help but smile. Maybe I would be a part of that family one day. Then Y/N moved to her friend. They too were crying and taking photos together. Then it was the rest of the boys, they all moved in for a big group hug and I swear I saw tears in Calum’s eyes. I didn’t join in the hug, I think I would’ve looked awkward. I just stood. Waiting. Then the hug broke up. And Y/N turned to me. Her eyes searched mine like they had four years ago.  
  
She crashed into me. Her whole body weight rested on me and I hugged her tight. She felt so warm and so real, her tears dampened my t-shirt and I took in the scent of her perfume. The same as the one I had bought her on her birthday, she still smelt the same and I took great comfort in that. I looked up and saw that the boys and Y/N’s parents and friend were all talking to each other and ignoring me and Y/N.  
  
“Y/N. I-I’m never letting you go ever again. Ever. I missed you so much, even when I thought I didn’t I did.”  
  
She held me tighter and my whole body felt firework after firework.  
  
“Luke, you know what the last thing I said to you was? I will never stop loving you...”  
  
She looked up at me, her eyes wide and frightened.   
  
“...I’ve never said anything more true.”   
  
“Y/N I can’t believe it’s taken me four years to say it to your face. I love you too.”

—————————————

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so yeah this is not avengers but I wrote this a while ago and only put it on [Tumblr](lukemgmt.tumblr.com) , but it probably belongs here more! Hope you like it and if this goes down well I can always write more short fics based on songs!! Thankyou for reading :) 
> 
> ((Kudos and comments appreciated lovely people))
> 
> ((also send requests in on my Tumblr for me to do in summer!!))


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